Last post

Last day and last hour of 2008 and here I am here blogging and watching TV alone at home~ Hehe~ 

2008 was a year which have too much ups and downs for me~ I bet its the same for others too. Lets see, for the first time I am being pushed down hill to learn how to fly and of course I failed a few times and always being saved by my "Father" but heck, I am still in learning progress! Getting closer with my Sister through some challenges! Appreciate her! Getting closer to few of a close friends and of course, getting close to people around me too! Thats one of the things I appreciate and made living till now! My college friends~ seriously thank you guys and gals for making me who I am now! 

Last year I wrote thanking notes for people who have an impact in my life, well, I think I done it in the mid year so I won't do it again~ LOL

New year resolution! Change!!! I guess the main thing I wanted the most now is changes, maturation and more responsibility in life. Got my new daughter, Viva to aid me in being more organize as year 2 in Psychology is no easy life, being in charge of children fellowship and plan it is much more work that I can actually imagine plus taking up the "care group" in my church, family and among my friends is not easy too! Gosh, know I can see that next year is a BIG BIG BIG challenge for me! 

The only thing I hold as something proud of what I found this year is that I believe I has sincerely treat my close friends goodly and I wish for the best for them. Sincerely love them and care for them so, PLm, YZm, Mm, YYY, YW, jYS, Mk, KM, YL, SH, PS, Myy, Mmi, C, Mbunda, love you guys!! 

Went through a year of want-to-change-thought and now I guess is the perfect time to put them into action! 

My photographic passion has burnt again after few years and guess this time I am pretty serious in it. Thinking of taking theory exam next year, Mun Jie a, can i? Wanted to be a musician in my church, maybe a pianist first then guitarist~ Thinking what I really want to do after I graduate and it's a tough decision to make, I know I know, I still have one year plus to do so but seriously, I do think that this is the time to start thinking about it! Wanted to do something that is not the norms will do, wanted to do something that I am really interested in, and wanted to do something that I didn't even imagine myself will do, like, writing a book, coming up with new theory? XD Hey, its dreams that make us going no? hahaha~  

self fulling prophecy

Urg... I hate self fulfilling prophecy... Struggling with your false belief is soooo hard!!! LOL~ After you think A will happen, you'll preconsciously try to make sure A will happen! Its more frustrating when you found out you are actually DOING it!!! LOL 

Phase~

Hmm, since like after this new phase, everything is going quite okaay~ 

Attended a "re ai" camp as a teacher and I seriously learnt a lot from the students and the teachers there too! Faith had been successfully re-strengthen~ Heck, I missed my students!!! Those bonds that we created makes me appreciate bond I have with me now even better! 

Getting more sense bout myself and have a clearer picture already. Its time to let all my thought and feeling turn to action in this new phase~ WEEE~~~ 

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Guess what, I've joined a mini contest by Gary Ooi last month, its a mini photo contest that require participants to take a photo and email to him! Guess what, I've won the THIRD prize!!!! LOL!!! My first time participating in photography contest and weee~~~ hehe~ here is the website GaryOoi. 

Below is my photo that I chose to participate in this contest~ 

I'm sooooo going to buy myself a D60 sooooooon~~~~ Thanks Gary~~ kekeke

WIshlist!

Year end sales is here!!! N 2008 is going to end real sooon~~ After one whole year, let me present to you my wish list~~

1. G900 handphones for me to be more organized as a person~~ (DONE, but its HTC Touch VIVA~)

2. D60 DSLR camera for me to improve my photographic skill and satisfy my interest/desire for photography that its in me since high school~~ wakakaka~~ (DONE!! Got a D60!!!)

3. New laptop (maybe Dell) to let my old lappie to retire~~~ 

These are those that can satisfy my materialistic needs~~ 

Entering new phase of life~~ Lets enjoy it yea? Boon Han~~ kakakaka~ 

The Battle of the Kingdom

The demon strike again after days of spying on the Kingdom. They appear no where to start killing and stabbing every human that is in the Kingdom! To the Knight of the Kingdom, its a total disaster... "Again? Can We win this time?" 

The demon show no mercy, all of the army of the Kingdom are failing, one by one, they felt... In depressed mood the Knight felt... "Who can help us now...? Are We going to lose again?" "No, I mustn't give up now! I must keep on fighting! I have ally's army that went into my Kingdom, they can help!!" 

The Ally somehow seems to be no where to be found, Knight felt as if he was been betrayed... "Why, Where are the troops that they promised to provide when I need help? Why are the Ally's army in our palace hiding themselves? Why didn't they come out and help??" 

Out of no where, the Ally appear in the Kingdom!!! "Thank God, they are here, CHARGE!!! OUR ALLY ARE HERE TO HELP US!!!" The Knight's entire army started to feel as if new strength and hope is in them!!! This time they charged!!! With the help of the Ally! 

During the battle, the Ally seems.... siding the demon, its not there.... Ally was... not helping.... At least this is what the Knight sees.... 

Went to depression again, the Knight grieved... "I shouldn't have open the gate for them to help... I should have know no Ally will help this pitiful Kingdom... I should have know..." 

"No, learn to trust them!! They are doing their way, they have a different combatting style than yours, give them a chance!! Trust them! You let them in, then have faith in them that they are YOUR ALLY!!!" The King told the Knight through His magic. 

In that instant, the Knight's army broke down, everyone felt into tears and everyone of them being seized by the Demon!!! The Ally, suddenly turn their spears and arrows at the demon and start attacking!!! Giving fatal blow to them!!!! This time the army of Knight somehow was synchronizing movement with the Ally!! 

"They really are my Ally... I know I should have faith in them! Thanks..." 

The demon starting to disappear, back to their hideout to plan a stronger plan to attack the Kingdom again!!! This time, the very first victory that was won by the Kingdom without the Help of the Ally's kingdom's extra troop! 

Hidden msg...?

Mei, I missed your smiles and laugh a lot. Please be cheerful again soon k? Cheerful from your heart. Gor will always be there for you as you were for me. But please dun smile when you don't feel like it k? ^^ aza aza FIGHTING!

Everything is going down hill now... What should I do? I tried so hard to climb back but every time when I'm doing my best, rocks and obstacle came down to me and knocked me down. During the fall, I found support, but there were this saying, "when you are closer to something, its harder to see it..." strike me. Dissonance happen to me strongly. Helpless-ness happen to me like no other times, its stronger. People around me seems so... lost as well....

Jas, mika, I can't bare to see both of you being depressed... It hurts me a lot... Stay strong yea? 

Where are the celebration songs? Where are the smiles and laughs that soothed my heart? 

Regina, karmun, we will get through this some how eh?

Down hill... I hope everything will be over when this semester over. Everything will be going up again after this semester end. 

Everyone, stay strong till this end alright? I will stay strong as well! 

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Dissonance... 

Gate

The last few gates... Should or should I not open it? This is the first time my palace is opened up for the other nation to come in this close. Can my soldier handle it? Will the other nation protect this palace as theirs? Will I gain the same access to their territory? 

... ... ...

You have your answer already... "OPEN THE GATE~~~"  

Style

Draciel Gravity - BeyBlade that utilize defensive strategy

We all have our own unique style in doing things. Some prefer the tough way, some prefer the soft way and some just let it be. All these emo-ness made me think of this question, what is my style? 

Once I heard this story when I was in primary school. It is about this human (sry la, I forgot his/her gender~~~) he/she somehow doesn't satisfy with his/her walking style. So one day, this human went to a park and sit down there, observe how other people walk and he/she tried to follow them. Guess what, in the end of the day, not that he/she learnt a walking style that he/she like, he/she even lost/forgot how and what style he/she used to have!!! He/she have to crawl back in the end... Sad eh... 

Similarly, we all have style, my style, I often called it the defensive style instead of offensive. Since young I am well exposed to all kinds of cartoons and children show like, Power Ranger, Beyblade, tamiya, Ultraman, Pokemon, Digimon etc etc; by watching these cartoons, I sorta kinda link them in what and how I response to people, and yes, I am the defensive kind. I rather use my turtle shell to protect myself and wait for the right time to strike than using direct attack with claws and tooth... This is how I bring myself in the public and dealing with my problem as well as others. 

However, lately I try to be someone else. I am tired of waiting for the right time to give a fatal blow, I am tired of not doing anything and only waits, I want to "attack" too, I want to have damaging power too, in every aspect, dealing with my problem as well as dealing with others. Thus, it kinda made me involve in social comparison theory; worst of all, I engaged in upward social comparison *nod slowly* Yes... and heck, there is where all the depression and emo-ness came in~~~ I wanted to be someone else so badly, I forgot that I used to be so proud of my own style, I forgot how many problems I solved when I am using my style, I forgot how people used to said I am good at the certain style, I forgot to be... Myself!!! Boon Han! Not Gorgan~ 

No doubt, we have to use different styles in dealing with different situation, but direct offense is not something I am comfortable with, and it is not something I could do easily. Now, it is time to switch back to my own style, use it wisely with the help of offensive style~! 

So, what is your style?? 

Self pity~~~ =="""

Psychology course or Self awareness course or self sympathy course or self understanding course?

Dr. Anasu really good at digging out my feeling~ LOL

Do I have chronic loneliness??? Can I??? Is it okay??? T.T 

Out of the five criteria of chronic loneliness, I have 4.5 being met... How cool is that~~~ 

Lost

I have lost a part of me lately... Please, I do not want to lose any part of me anymore... No more... no... more... *smile* 

Oh?

Something came into my thought just now; I remember reading one of my friends blog, she said that words, what you call someone is just a word, it doesn't mean anything. What important is how we personally feel about the person. Yes, to a certain extent, I do agree with her...

What strike me is that, is it always the case? Dad, Mom, Sister, Brother, Close friends, Girlfriend, Boyfriend, friend, classmates or even enemy really mean nothing??? It has no real meaning in it??? No, they do mean something to me, at least~ 

How we address the other party will eventually closer the bond between you and the other party because sometimes, verbal do carry some weight. Besides that, by addressing someone with words like, "you are my family, my close friend..." will eventually let the other party feels good too! 

Why do I post this? I don't know~~~ Just feels like it~~~

I appreciate you guys~ My sisters, my close friends, my family~ 

Chessboard

Someone came into my life and asked me question that I never thought of before, "if you were too choose a piece of chess unit, which of them represent you mist accurately?" Hmm... Interesting, I bet everyone will start to analyze what role each pieces plays in chess. To me, every pieces in chess play a certain role, and have its own unique way of protecting something of preventing something that qualify it to be a member of chess. 

I chose Bishop. 

Not surprise eh? People who knew me might think that I chose Bishop is because its my religion, well, I am not sure about this bit because when I am making decision I seriously totally didn't take this into consideration. Maybe unconsciously I am but God knows~ Why I chose Bishop then? Frankly, I think Bishop is the most worthless piece on chess. Even the "pawn" plays some role in deceiving and protecting others. Bishop? It have its limits.

Bishop can never move in a straight line! That is it limitation, unlike other pieces, even the "horse" could move straight, well, not really straight la but it is still either left/right or front/back! Being a Bishop, you can either be in Black boxes or White boxes; I mean, if you are a bishop that placed in a white boxes, you never will be able to go to the black boxes no matter how many steps you move, no? No matter how you like to experience something that seems fun, you never will experience it no matter how many time you try to experience it. Bishop to me, normally are the ones who will be sacrificed or looked down by the Players and yea, it made it quite a useless piece. So, why is it similar to me? Those are the reasons... 

Then this Person told me, "I see..." Did you know that Bishops are always the one who stand beside the "King" and "Queen", protecting them? Yes, they might be sacrificed by the player but often it is because to protect those two, the most "powerful" pieces in the chess board! "Hmm... " my response. Person added, and do you know that Bishop can always defeat the opponent's "King" and "Queen" because of it's ability to move side way??? 

"HMMM..............." 

Now I see... Every pieces in the chess board DO plays a role and every pieces in the chess can't lose to not having the other pieces because if one of the pieces went missing, the rest of of the pieces will surely lose their roles in the chessboard. We have to fully utilize each and every piece on the chessboard to win the game. No one is to serve someone, because everyone is there for everyone! They have their limitations, yes, true enough, but ones limitations can be covered by others strength and together as comrades, friends, a wining game will we get! 

So, what pieces you are if you were on a chessboard?

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I take this Person who came INTO my life and open it up! Without this Person, I guess I am still a quite close human being! 

I hate this part of me, I hate being so emo at all times, I hate this feeling, I hate this thought of mine, I wonder what I like about myself... Leave alone love =="""

Looking out of the window

When there is no one for you, you tend to shut your own window and only observe from inside and smile. When you can't find people who willing to accept you as a person, you close yourself in the car and look out of the window and travel alone. When you can't find people who similar with you, you will look out of the window and hugging something which have no life while look out of the window, smiling....

In the end, you are yourself when you are with yourself and with someone else, not in a group.

But sometimes, you need time to go out and play with them. You can't stay in here forever you know... You have to visit your neighbour and family too...

Ranting

Its already 3 weeks already; I did not expect second year to be this tough!!! Tougher in workload, tougher in handling stress and the part that I concerned of is, the emotion! Gosh... Back to work...

SCT

While I am struggling with my internal issue, I have to starts my assignments. While I am trying to reason my thought and behavior, I am trying to reason the Theory for Dr Goh. Talking about dissonance.... LOL Ironic of all, I am doing social comparison theory and I am social comparing !!! hahaha ==""

Choices II

I remember I did post something on this topic before, choice. Everyone will have choices to choose from, thats what I believe. 

Every time when we say don't know to something, we are choosing not to know, not to care and no matter what choices we choose, there will be consequences/ending. When it comes, we have to be prepare for it then. 

People might argue, but the situation doesn't allow me to make choices. Yea, it might be true, being born in a poor family is not our choice, but we can always work harder to earn money or what so ever to make our life more meaningful, no? 

Lets us all will have enough wisdom to choose how are we going to face our problems. 

Catharsis

Had a short talk just now with a close friend, she sparkled some of the problem/issue in me and started to make me thinking. "When you are to be given a half year holiday, what will you do?" Hmm, of course I want to be alone and go to some place where I am alone with nature. To "recharge back" all the energy I've used up since Foundation. 

Being alone is not really lonely, at least to me, I can really start to connect back with the inner me and not worry about how my behavior, verbal, and thought will affect others, especially those whom I care. Then she asked, "Why alone? Why no companion?" Hmm... yeahor... If someone who are willing to accompany me and bare with my boringness, why not~ 

As much as I like intimacy with others, I like being alone too... I wonder, can someone be both? Which one of me is the main Me? hmm....~ Having identity confusion? Don't know which role to commit to? God knows~ LOL 

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People who have impacted my life:

1999 - BD who have been through a lot with me, encouraging and slapping me all these years.

2003 - RagnarokOnline schoolmates who taught me that what friendship and comradeship is.

2003 - What does sacrificing really mean...

2004 - MT and XW who taught me how to be a good brother and even the strongest relationship can turn bad...

2005 - Triple Y who taught me to open up my social circle

2006 - Foundation mate, friends can be found in a group

2007 - MK who taught me I can be myself

2007 - PL who taught me to truly open up and to be trusted! 

xxxx - to be experienced~~~ LALALALA~~~ 

aha......

Feelings and emotions are contagious, believe it or not! Gosh... 

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Changed of personality when I am doing the personality test after 1 week??? =="" 

Doubt vs faith

We do not have to be perfect to do His work! We can have doubt and faith at the same time when doing His work! 

"When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted." Matthew 28:17

In ministry field, this passage really gave me a very big impact and vision! Yes, we can serve with doubt and faith! Having doubt is not a big deal, as long as we hang on to our faith, He will guide us in doing His work! 

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In unbeliever context, we always have doubt and faith in doing our daily chores too, especially in friendship/relationship. Even though we have doubt, we should not back ourselves out from the issue we are facing, no matter its relationship, friendship, family, uni issue etc etc... We should hang on to our faith and in the same time know more about our doubt! If we think that we should deal with our problem 1st before doing things, the question we should ask is, when will we finished dealing with it? If we are not doing anything because we have doubt, what will we achieve? 

Sometimes, we should try to do something without being perfect as failing will teach us much more than achieving. "Wait till I manage my emotion 1st then I will deal with the issue", "I want to wait till I am more sociable 1st before I start making with new friends"... All these thinking will actually hold us back and make us lose a lot of precious time. 

No doubt, sometimes we really should settle some issue before doing another, but often, when we look back, we deal with a certain issue even with doubt, or think that we are imperfect, but in the end the result is actually better than what we really expected! 

In conclusion, we shouldn't worry too much and do nothing. A lot of decision needs courage, unless we are willingly to make the 1st step to receive courage, we will never have it. Things will fall into place if we do our best of what we can do! 

PMS-ing....

I dislike the feeling of disliking someone... 

I dislike the feeling when I try to walk away because I am afraid of get hurt...

I dislike the feeling I am feeling now...

I dislike the feeling of smiling when its not right at all inside...

I dislike the feeling when I am not able to think properly...

I dislike the feeling when I hurt someone verbally... 

I dislike the feeling of crying alone in dark room alone with no one to rely on...

I dislike... 

I refuse...

I hate... 

*SCREAMS!!!!!!*

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I really want to leave this place for a moment... I've lost two of them... I do not want to lose another one... 

Logic

When Logic crush with Feeling...

When Thought crush with Emotions

Releasing

Releasing psychological pressure through physical ways... Crying, massaging, exercising...

Releasing psychological pressure through suppression...

Scary...

Scary... I never thought or ever dreamt that all these "interesting" stuff would actually happen in my own life! All those things that happen in drama is actually happen in reality?? At least I am expose to some. Some are not related to me and some are kinda related. Interesting...

A friendly face agent go in between close related countries and create all sort of issue so that the countries will have war with each others! COOL strategic!! ^^ I wonder how many more similar case in the world that we will be facing and be exposed to in the future... 

Friendship

I remember in one of my youth fellowship, we discussed about this topic, friends. There are a lot of misconceptions bout how friends should be. Yes yes, I totally understand that each person have their own way of defining friends. 

Some people build friendship on the base of materialistic stuff like shopping, handphones, camera, magazine; some people build friendship on interest like games, songs, movies, idols, and etc; some people build friendship on benefits like what can he/she do for me, what will I get from him/her, how can he/she make me famous. 

We need to have some similar interest with our friends, that is of course a "sure" thing, however, if we only build friendship solely on these things that changed easily, I am sure the friendship will somehow get shaky... 

Friendship, at least how I define my friendship is not suppose to focus on ourselves. Friends can drain our energy if we only gives, on the other side of coins, if we constantly take from others and do not gives out the energy, the other friends will get drained too... It is suppose to be both side. 

Someone told me this before "its about thinking right, not feeling right". Did you experience this before, when you spell an English word, it feels, not right when it is the correct spelling! Feeling can changed easily but facts can't. Especially it is an intangible term such as friends. 

Friendship, in fact, in any relationship, it is impossible to not to have the down period. Thoughts that make us doubt friends is really normal. I guess everyone experienced it at least once in their life! Be together, share and have interest in each others life can maintain and help a relationship too... 

Friendship require faith. Believe something that can't be see, can't be proven right or wrong. Of course, some friends do betray us... But that is all together different case

Lets us build our friendship on a strong base so that we can be interdependent on each others. No one should be alone, and no one should really rely on others. We should pat, hugs, push, encourage each others.  

 At least this is my way of friendship

Inspiring!

I don't know about others in my class this semester, but to me, it did inspired me a lot if were to compare to the previous semester in my Degree year! Dr Goh, Dr, Anasuya and Miss Winnie, the idea they shared, the theory and concept the teach and the example they give, they really awaken me! Motivated me! So sudden, everything in my life seems so "manual" again. It used to be in autopilot mode but now, because I wanted to change, it went into manual mode and it draining a lot of energy away~~ Bad for now, Good for the future! 

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Low self esteem is really 害人害己, it hurts others and hurt ourselves too! I think I should really manage it harder now! 

Lonely aunty...

Entering the house, the stereo is switched on so loud, that every corner of the house could hear it. Television is switched on even though no one is watching it... Every light in every room is switched on even no one is in it... 

Aunty sitting there.... alone.... lonely..... 

Always go to his house to hang out, aunty never did such things before, at least I didn't experience any of it... 

Letters~

Letters and Cards that bring back a lot of memories... Good and Bad

Letters, Cards, I wonder if there are still people out there who use letter to communicate. We have the Internet now, it is SO convenient! Today, suddenly, I found a stack of my old letters and cards I received ages ago! To be honest, I forgot the feeling when I first received them until I actually opened and read it again... 

The feeling is unexplainable! Its totally a different feeling when you got a sms/msn/email wishes from your friends, from someone you care! You might feel happy and excited, but its not as happy and excited when you actually have physical hardcopy letters and cards! (well, at least for me!) 

Good old days~~ 

Letter that I thought I LOST it!! 

Letter that encouraged me during the finding-the-me-battle

To my friends out there, I am sorry I haven't been contacting you guys for quite sometimes due to busy-ness and the physical distance we have, here I said, sorry and hope someday, someday, we can really chat and catch up those lost time again! 

Love you guys! 

XW, CC, MT, SH Jie, PS, YL, SM~~ 

Number THREE

Everything is changing now, our government, other countries' government, human's culture, our world, and of course, I felt that it is time, again, for me to "evolve" into a new stage since I am in the second year of degree now! 

Everything won't be the same anymore. Expectation from lecturer, the toughness in second year, friends, and of course, our maturity and our thought. I am sure this year would be a tough and busy year for me and the rest however, there are things that might be a blockage to my development! I am lazy and I really need to change a lot of my Self now! Not for others sake, for my own sake! Got a bit blur now due to too many things to be done in short period of time. 

Andrew is not in Malaysia for at least 1 year, the church responsibility is getting heavier and heavier. To handle all these pressure and stress, responsibility and maturity is require... Hope I can really cope with it. 

Things to improve/change:

• Use less money! SAVE
• Be more organize! (Very messy now...)
• Watch my physical behavior... 
• Emotional control (It got better since the last time I think bout it~)
• Talk more!! (In a positive way though~ haha)
• etc etc...

Another gone~~

Well, sending another person off! This time, is a direct bond friend that is going overseas to study. Yea, I know he will be back after 1 or 2 years but still, although not too close with him, I am not too far from him too, our relation that is. 

Mr Andrew is going to Ireland! The feeling of a sudden change, something that is always been there, cheering the environment, someone who will always make a lot laughter among us, part of the core group, is leaving us. Seriously, Andrew, without you, I am not sure if the church will be the same again~ Andrew always the one who bring noise into our group. Though he look slumber and blur, he always know what is his point is (although it took a very long time for him to convey the message haha), its glad to work along side with him in ministry, really~ Hope you will return asap! 

Before he leave

Talking to someone before leaving, look at his face, so happy~ LOL

Three of the Core Group members(4 in total)

That is why, he bring laughter to us! 

Waiting here! hehe, remember to contact us oh~~ Wonder who will teach me guitar now... hehe

We will definitely miss you while you are gone~ Take good care of yourself there

Another funeral?

Is life so fragile? So unpredictable? Yes... Human life is so fragile! Its like the light of candle, a single blow will make it goes off... 

Attended another funeral today, he just wanted to walk across the road to buy something, and just because of this, a car knocked him and he died on the spot... No one will predict this will happen... Not his parents...

Parents attend their son's funeral, how, painful. Seriously, the scene just now is so painful! I wonder... 

messy

Rain rain go away, come again another day~~ 

These two days my mood is kind of cloudly, I wonder why... I bet more or less I shown this cloud to those around me la, so sorry, I did tried to control! 

Don't know is it my mom's problem, I so want to get into relationship~ hahahaha! 

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Feelings are hard to control, and we shouldn't restrain it too much. Feelings are meant to be felt! However when its getting out of control, I think it is best to steer back on track! 

ladi ladi laaa~~

Famine

HOHO~ Yeap, I went to 30 hours famine this year. However this time is a bit different, I am going alone and be a group leader!

 

Group Leader meeting before event start

Everything was just fine before the meeting. When everyone(group leader) was getting their group members, I sit there alone without any members!! LOL In the end, I ended up being a groupless group leader! 

Me and my group 28 placard

The groups beside me...

Open ceremony almost start and my box have been invaded by other group 

Though I have no group, the group beside me invited me to join their group (group 26)~ Then Mia legally put in group 25. Finally I am adopted in a "family"! Supposedly it is something to be happy but imagine you are adopted and the family member neglect you~ Sobs... Thats why am sit back at my own group box and looking at both group 25 and 26. They are near my box, thats why. I guess this is more or less the feeling of those who didn't have family or being adopted but being rejected or neglected by other family member. 

Last year famine also kinda have the similar feeling but this time could really experience the impact and to actually reflect on the emotion of mine is kind of good for me though~ Hehe

This time famine is a bit special because we have to take our shoe and socks off too! Well, shoe less for 6 hours is not fun at all!!! 

Sobs~ shoeless 6 hours~~ 

me without my shoe~ hehe 

Then we proceed to famine challenge One which is a budgeting game. Will not go into the game in detail la~ will be boring hehe! 

Group discussion with group 25 (Photo by Aaron)

The nearer group is my legal "family" while the group behind is my informal "family/neighbor" haha! Have to admit, both are really a good leader! Salute!

Group 26 in second famine challege

Group 25 in famine challenge 2

After challenge 2, its another break and concert time! This time is not as "high" as last year la, but kind of enjoyed it~  

The next morning we went to Bukit Jalil hockey stadium. 

Giving HOPE the children! (btw, its raining)

This year break fast! COCO crunch! (I prefer last year~~)

Mia and I, nothing to do so take photo~ 

Then we BREAK FAST!! hahah! Right after that we go back to HELP and back to home we go!! 

WE"VE MADE IT!! hahaa Its not that hard by the way~ hehehe just emotional stuff la. Its better if you have comrades haha

Going home~~

Finally can go home!!!

Feeling

Sides, I believe everyone have both sides, negative and positive. Our memory conceive both negative and positive memory too. Normally we would only remember the negatives one better than the positives one. 

Sometimes when we think that we have no one for us, when we think our life sucks, we really do get depressed until a certain limits that we forgot we have those happy positive memories too! 

I have my moment. I born and grow up as a normal ordinary kid. Nothing really special in my life and I do not have any special ability. Everything was so normal and ordinary. To be honest, I am quite jealous of those who have exciting and interesting life, special ability that people admire. When thinking of these, it really made depressed to the MAX! How I wish I want to be like them! 

As time goes, I starting to calm down and guess what, life isn't that bad after all. I have friends that better than me! They sing better than me, think better than me, look better than me, speak better than me, understand better than me etc etc! Yes yes, I am trying to make myself better, but isn't it better than being depressed and not able to do everything with all our best condition? 

Yes, my point is that, no matter what happen, when we are facing negative events, we should be sad for it, of course but not too long until it influent our daily life. Feeling bad is not bad, it is what we should be, but we shouldn't let that control us? We might ask when is enough, but i would say, if that certain sadness or emotion stop us from doing what we should be doing, I think that is enough and we must calm ourselves down, trying focus on the bright side or doing things that we are suppose to do. 

A car can run as fast as it wants, but if the speed stop or destroys things around it, that car must slow down as it is not the original usage of a car. A car is for transportation purposes, if it runs too fast, it will get broken and it sway away from its original purpose

Live your life to the fullest, when we experiencing an emotion, especially negatives one for too long, we will lose a lot of chance to experience others good experience! 

Proud

Today's bible study is rather productive as it really made us all think and share. To me, or most of us, book of Matthew is a book that almost ALL of Christian will read first and in my case, it is the first Book I read from the Bible. That is why, to me it is kind of a challenge as my pride keep distracting me from paying attention by saying "hey, I read this already, what's so big deal". However, today managed to put down this "ego-ness" and really reflect on the materials. 

However, the one that caught my attention the most is this girl, 823. 823, really do change a lot in term of maturity. Have to admit that, well done. I could see the passion to learn, to change and to listen while we all sharing, dropping notes and stuff, its really a big changes! I am proud of you girl! 

Proud Proud

loneliness

Dated with someone who I didn't date for a long long time ago! Before I become close with them, A is the one I always hang out with. A always will be there when I am lonely and alone. However, I guess the more I become close with them, emotionally, mentally and physically, I kind of ignored this A person... Feeling with A again is somehow, weird and well, it just like meeting an old friend of yours~ 

Loneliness, it is something to be thanked for because if it is handle in a right way, it will help you develop yourself. It might make us stronger, in a sense too. Loneliness, a very normal nature of human. I don't think anyone will not feel lonely, but the important part is how do we deal with this loneliness...

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Boon Han! Long time didn't hang out together already! Its time for me to really catch up with my imaginary friend~ MUAHAHAH~~ 

Blessing

Its a blessing that we have someone to talk to that will understand us, listen and don't judge us.

Its a blessing that we have someone who are willing to understand and listen to us without judging us.

Its a blessing... 

When will I find someone that willing to listen... When will be a time that I am the one talking and not that one who is listening and nodding and worrying and thinking... 

Light

Was sitting in the living room, listening to songs, chatting on msn but staring at the this light "day"dreaming... 

Not in a very good mood, but all the sudden, light. Light can brighten up dark places. Light can somehow help people to feel less depress/scare. Without light, human really can barely live like now, no? 

But, somehow, being a light is not easy. Light will have to endure the heat, the pain and most of the time others don't really appreciate them. Loneliness, I suddenly feel that somehow, it is lonely, all alone. No matter day or night, it will remain still there making no noise, waiting people to use them. Never want to shout out "HEY, I AM LIGHT!! SAY THANKS TO ME".

Appreciate those Light besides you, acknowledge them as sometimes, even a strong emotional person need a hug from others. 

Gadget!

I guess one of the things/interest that remind me that I am still a normal MALE is that I like gadget! Well, not that female don't like it, but majority of the guys like gadget more than girls! So, introducing my gadget! 

1st, my lappie! 

            

This friend of mine been serving me and my friends for more than 2 years! He deserve some applaud! However, I think 2 years old is kinda old for a lappie no? Maybe he deserve retiring too! Too bad, not in the near future! Thanks lappie for your services! 

2nd, my personal handphone! 

Yeap! k618i~ Yea, I know this buddy don't have much powerful stuff but he still be there when I having problems and stuff. SMS and calls!! Hehe! 

3rd, let me introduce you guys to Joy! 

Yeap! A PSP!!! Aww~~ how beautiful she is~~ My daughter of course! Gaming, online-ine, msn-ing, music-ing, pic-viewing, and video-ing, ALL IN ONE!! Love her!! hohoho! 

Lastly, let me introduce a new member~ 

Its a new digital camera!! Nikon coolpix s210!! Muahahah~! (yea yea! in the end I just want to show off with my new digital camera~ haha, what to do? I am excited about it!) Welcome to the family cammie~