Individual

Just like what the title said, individual. We are all individual. Each of us is formed from all kind of different culture and genes from the surrounding around us. 

I used to wonder, are we really who we really are? I mean, a lot of us, our values, our perspective, our needs, our wants, our desires, our likings, our hates, our speaking style and the list goes on, is really influence from those around us. Our parents' genes, our social upbringing, friends around us, media, religion, all these influence us, so, are we still we? What I have in value might be the same to those who are in the similar or same culture as I do, so is this still me? As an unique individual? We are all similar to each others in a way too. I wonder... and wonder... and wonder... 

We often compare ourselves to people around us; We often want to be those whom we think is cool, is smart, is talented, is lovable! Yet, we are telling others we are unique individual being? When someone being close to us, when we are related to people around us, when we became friends, family, enemy, we tend to get disturbed and annoyed by these people. Yet, we are telling others we are unique individual being? 

How contradicting we human are... 

Things happen to me, and made me think, harder than before, why my existence is important when I am a tiny puny useless rubbish that only would makes things worse? Live for Lord my God? To fulfill my purpose in this life for His sake? What can I do? Again, I used to compare myself, what I learn during this Uni life is, "why compare?" I am an eye from this Body. I might be a "rubbish eating fish" that most people don't like but I am here for a reason. So, for whatever reason that I am suffering from these emotional struggle, for I am not alone. God is there for me. At least that is what made me stand strong and not fail. 

Back to the question I asked above, I finally found an answer. Yes, all of us might be the same because the environment around us shape who we are now, but we are still the very unique individual, why? It is because no matter how many similar "values" we all have, we are all MADE up from DIFFERENT kind of COMBINATION! 

In A culture, we might have value A, B, C and D

However, Jina might have combination of ACD values.

Hina might have combination of CD values

and Gina might have ABCD values

They might share same values but the overall personality is different! 

Mika is right, "why cares how people thinks of you?" As long as we are sincere, we don't be a stumble block of others, why bother being someone else just because you think he can fly but you can't cause you are a "Rubbish Eating FISH" !!!

(Fish idea contributed from someone in my life ^^)

What a NIGHT/day...

*Just for the heck of putting photo, not the band that performed* 

*Clap clap clap!!* 

Wow! That was awesome! What a night! WUU! Its so WONDERFUL! 

Thanks to Ling Mei, yen yee and I got to experience something I think we didn't experience and will not experience in the near future! She invited us to a concert night which titled "The Encounter of Western and Eastern Music" and it was wooow~~ 

Hehe, There are a few songs that are like, "er?" But still it was cool! Love the last part the most! The combination of western and eastern instruments "Human revelation" (something along this line) *clap clap* touching for some reason! 

Its very educational too~ It bigger the passion in me in music! Hehe, wanna know more bout those composer and stuff! Mun jie! Teach me!!! XD

Music, especially instrumental music really is my type of milk! =P 

Looking forward to another concert~ Hopefully I can really go to the, er, KLCC kind of big concert too! 

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That aside, gosh, today if I didn't attend to this MA Night, I think this would be the most unlucky day in this week. Almost got into car crash; Meeting a bit out of tune; Get lost when going there; etc. 

 

crashed...

From a flying high air plane to a crashed air plane! World is full of unknown factors! Since we are living in the world that constantly changing, feeling bad or sad about it won't get us any where; feel the feeling you suppose to feel first, and then move on! 

Flexibility might be the answer to this constantly changing world. However, the really tough part is dealing with the negative feeling of changes. No one likes negative feelings but no one can grow without negative feelings! Shall we not avoid this feelings and face it, acknowledge it and grow with it without taking away the love, care and sincerity towards people? 

Oh my!

Just now when I was reading others blog, I noticed something, the way I post my entry these days is kind of ter-influenced by a few of my blogger friends! I started to like to post a picture related to my entry and few second ago I noticed my friends started it FIRST!! Gosh, am I easy to be influenced or what? HAHA

Reaction vs no reaction?

To think of it, I've been in the no reaction or should I say less reaction group for almost 20 years! 

First of all, I want to say sorry and thanks to all the friends and my sis' that care and love me with sincere heart and be patient with me all these while! I know dealing, caring and loving someone like me is not easy! Specially thanks to the sorries, guity feelings and those low self esteem me~ 

Been wondering, I really should be more, well, reactive? I should show more, er, "high-ness" in myself? When people are talking or joking, I should be more, responsive?? 

However, that would not be me anymore! I am okay with these calm, quietness of mine, but I really want to be, "high" sometimes. It is hard though, really it is. Tried so many times but often I ended up embarrassing myself...

So, question is, how can I balance myself and will I be successful? Depends... 

TAGGED!!

8 Things I'm Passionate About

1. FOOD!!! Live to eat!! 
2. My religion!! Bleee~~ 
3. Psychology~
4. Tae heeeeee~~ 
5. Friends CLOSE friends~~
6. Listening to people~ hohohoh~
7. Reading blogs?
8. MUSIC! YES!!!  

8 Things I Said Too Often

1. Ish...
2. What la...
3. What the...
4. Huh?
5. Urg..
6. Yer...
7. Yamer?
8. Chicken Egg Kuih (qi dan gao in cantonese~) 

8 Books I Read Recently

1. Bible~ counted as book right?
2. Tuesdays with morrie
   
3. Purpose Driven Life
4. -
5. -
6. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows
   
7. -
8. - (I should really buy more books and read!)

8 Songs I Can Listen Over and Over Again
**oh dang this is like SUPER HARD!!!**

1. U -SuJu
2. The Way U Are - DBSK
3. Lie - Big Bang
4. Wish - Riyin?
5. In Christ Alone - Who d a? Brian?
6. 云上太阳
7. Purple Line - DBSK
8. Don't Don - SuJu

8 Things I've Learned In The Past Year

1. Life is getting complicated! 
2. Close friends are hard to maintain...
3. Friends are important yet its not important..
4. Analyze, think critically 
   
5. Photoshop!!
   
6. Learn to CHANGE
7. I am weak but unique~~ huhuuu~
8. Open Open OPEEEN~~

8 People I Tag

1. Ling Mei~
2. Michelle
3. Jeff! 
4. Joreen~
5. YongLong
6. Yingzhi mei~
7. (No ones read my blog except those who had mentioned in Jas blog hehe)
8. -
   

Flower

Listen to the sound of the flower, what do you hear? 

...

....

.....

......

.......

........

.........

..........

Nothing... Thats it! Nothing! 

Flower is pretty, but it doesn't want to tell people it is beautiful, it just want to be pretty no matter people know they are or not! 

Sometimes, after awhile you care and love someone for so long, and I mean all kind of love, we tend to get tired if we can't get back the amount of effort we gave! I guess this is self-centeredness, no? However, to think about it, we care and love those people for one reason, only one reason; because we want to! So why do we always seeking for rewards? Yea, maybe we deserve some but it ain't the main point/reason to love and care! 

So peeps, love and care people you love and care of because you want to and not because you want to tell people about it! 

Idea bout flower got from an old movie named Three Ninja. ^^

"Helping others to be a hero is an action to help yourself instead of others" (Three ninja, xxxx)

Sacrifice

Double post!!

Haha, another things I wanted to share today. Teddy is our youth fellowship sharer today. Teacher came out with a rather interesting game; if he was to give us everyone RM1000(I got RM1500 cause I said college student need more! hoho) and ask us to survive for two months because our parents go oversea, how will we spend it.

He then add in more incident, accident and ask whether we will sacrifice those money to help the people that involve in those accident, well, I am included in, I got some stupid stone in my er, liver? haha~

Then Teddy show us a documentary on those men that went up to moon.

So, what is all these mean? It kinda ring the bell in my mind, everything that seems important to us is not really that important after all! What we really need to survive is just food, water, shelter, and normal clothe that can keep us warm and protect us! Well, of course someone that we can talk to and share, but everything else like, what shirt should I wear, what should I eat, what car should I buy, what friend I should care of, how should I go to a certain place, what if my girlfriend don't want me; all these, seems like it is important but it won't take away our life! My point is, why put so much worry on them? Yes, we should worry bout studies, food clothe, but why should we worry till a point we have unorganized and confused thought? Till a certain limit that we forget to eat, and not able to carry out normal daily life?

Everything will eventually fall into place, IF you know what is important in your life and what is not. Mind you, I am not saying we should DEPEND FULLY on FATE, GOD, or DESTINY! We should try our best, no, DO our best in every little we can do, but in the same time know that as long as we do our best, nothing is more important than the value and experience we got from it. Sacrifice is needed...

Responsibility

Responsibility

Today children fellowship had been cancelled due to the van. For some funny reason, our church van’s clutch spoiled. Teacher decided to cancel the children fellowship instead.

So, what did we do? Well, we went to one of our sister in Christ house to see what we can do to help. The brother that I said had died from heart failure. We basically wash, and clean the house and tuition their children which also our children fellowship’s children.

Though its tiring, but I finally realized that being a parent is not easy, especially being a single parent! So many things to be done! But so little time and tired. I am really not ready to bear this responsibility and finally understand it is hard to educate and bring up a child.

Besides responsibility of parents, I saw the mechanic that helped us to repair the van. The van where I parked the van, there are SHIT! Yea, shit... Guess what? He really lie near the SHIT and fix it! Although he is very, well, rude and unfriendly, but I could see his passion on his work! 

Responsibility, something I could not do... ><               

o.O

Remember I've posted one post last time bout one of my church's brother died of heart failure? I have finally experienced something first hand! No! No one close to me died, if its the case, I don't think i have enough strength left to even type!

Well, it might seems nothing but looking at those who are close to you, as close as your family member, whose face turn as pale as a paper and lips as white as snow, I am sure everyone on earth who have heart would worried till death! I don't know, till now my heart still beating fast and it just not right...

So peeps, human are super fragile, appreciate the time you have with those who are close to you, even though they are close, as close as your family and even your family, don't forget to appreciate them, respect them and understand their needs as we don't know when will be the last time we will be meeting....

COnfused again?

When I have decided to change a certain aspect in my life, reality or fantasy is there, stopped my motivation. I know this aren't going to be easy, but to be this difficult? Oh Lord, what do you want from me?

No ones like negative feeling eh? However, knowing all these but not taking any step to at least balance out all these, isn't it weird? We always complaint we aren't good enough, we are lazy, we are not outspoken, but always ended up doing nothing bout it.

The question I start asking myself is, knowing our limit, yes, but what if I want to be better? Can I? I want to be accepted but not by conforming, can I?

Grow?

Something strike my head just now, I mean idea, thought; Are human meant to be lonely? Yes, we have people who cares for us but those who we call friends aren't necessary to fill the emptiness in our heart.

Often when we think that we successfully made a connection with them who are close, we often find other wise. Maybe I am just generalizing the whole population on earth, maybe its just me~

Just because I am viewing things from my perspective, it doesn't mean that it mine is always right, so Gorgan, grow!! LOL

By the way, just a thought.

Changes. Again?

Suddenly the topic around me has turned into changes. First it started with how weak I found myself to be, then church fellowship talking about changes is like a pampers (PBPWMFGHNFWM - Please Be Patient With Me For God Has Not Finish With ME), then I read one of my classmates blog and today a sharing from someone.

So many inspiring information, so many steps to take, so much to plan, but only me, is it enough? Everyone seems to be more and more mature when terrible things happen. I am wondering how will I be if this phase of changing succeeded. I wonder......