Hidden msg...?

Mei, I missed your smiles and laugh a lot. Please be cheerful again soon k? Cheerful from your heart. Gor will always be there for you as you were for me. But please dun smile when you don't feel like it k? ^^ aza aza FIGHTING!

Everything is going down hill now... What should I do? I tried so hard to climb back but every time when I'm doing my best, rocks and obstacle came down to me and knocked me down. During the fall, I found support, but there were this saying, "when you are closer to something, its harder to see it..." strike me. Dissonance happen to me strongly. Helpless-ness happen to me like no other times, its stronger. People around me seems so... lost as well....

Jas, mika, I can't bare to see both of you being depressed... It hurts me a lot... Stay strong yea? 

Where are the celebration songs? Where are the smiles and laughs that soothed my heart? 

Regina, karmun, we will get through this some how eh?

Down hill... I hope everything will be over when this semester over. Everything will be going up again after this semester end. 

Everyone, stay strong till this end alright? I will stay strong as well! 

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Dissonance... 

Gate

The last few gates... Should or should I not open it? This is the first time my palace is opened up for the other nation to come in this close. Can my soldier handle it? Will the other nation protect this palace as theirs? Will I gain the same access to their territory? 

... ... ...

You have your answer already... "OPEN THE GATE~~~"  

Style

Draciel Gravity - BeyBlade that utilize defensive strategy

We all have our own unique style in doing things. Some prefer the tough way, some prefer the soft way and some just let it be. All these emo-ness made me think of this question, what is my style? 

Once I heard this story when I was in primary school. It is about this human (sry la, I forgot his/her gender~~~) he/she somehow doesn't satisfy with his/her walking style. So one day, this human went to a park and sit down there, observe how other people walk and he/she tried to follow them. Guess what, in the end of the day, not that he/she learnt a walking style that he/she like, he/she even lost/forgot how and what style he/she used to have!!! He/she have to crawl back in the end... Sad eh... 

Similarly, we all have style, my style, I often called it the defensive style instead of offensive. Since young I am well exposed to all kinds of cartoons and children show like, Power Ranger, Beyblade, tamiya, Ultraman, Pokemon, Digimon etc etc; by watching these cartoons, I sorta kinda link them in what and how I response to people, and yes, I am the defensive kind. I rather use my turtle shell to protect myself and wait for the right time to strike than using direct attack with claws and tooth... This is how I bring myself in the public and dealing with my problem as well as others. 

However, lately I try to be someone else. I am tired of waiting for the right time to give a fatal blow, I am tired of not doing anything and only waits, I want to "attack" too, I want to have damaging power too, in every aspect, dealing with my problem as well as dealing with others. Thus, it kinda made me involve in social comparison theory; worst of all, I engaged in upward social comparison *nod slowly* Yes... and heck, there is where all the depression and emo-ness came in~~~ I wanted to be someone else so badly, I forgot that I used to be so proud of my own style, I forgot how many problems I solved when I am using my style, I forgot how people used to said I am good at the certain style, I forgot to be... Myself!!! Boon Han! Not Gorgan~ 

No doubt, we have to use different styles in dealing with different situation, but direct offense is not something I am comfortable with, and it is not something I could do easily. Now, it is time to switch back to my own style, use it wisely with the help of offensive style~! 

So, what is your style?? 

Self pity~~~ =="""

Psychology course or Self awareness course or self sympathy course or self understanding course?

Dr. Anasu really good at digging out my feeling~ LOL

Do I have chronic loneliness??? Can I??? Is it okay??? T.T 

Out of the five criteria of chronic loneliness, I have 4.5 being met... How cool is that~~~ 

Lost

I have lost a part of me lately... Please, I do not want to lose any part of me anymore... No more... no... more... *smile* 

Oh?

Something came into my thought just now; I remember reading one of my friends blog, she said that words, what you call someone is just a word, it doesn't mean anything. What important is how we personally feel about the person. Yes, to a certain extent, I do agree with her...

What strike me is that, is it always the case? Dad, Mom, Sister, Brother, Close friends, Girlfriend, Boyfriend, friend, classmates or even enemy really mean nothing??? It has no real meaning in it??? No, they do mean something to me, at least~ 

How we address the other party will eventually closer the bond between you and the other party because sometimes, verbal do carry some weight. Besides that, by addressing someone with words like, "you are my family, my close friend..." will eventually let the other party feels good too! 

Why do I post this? I don't know~~~ Just feels like it~~~

I appreciate you guys~ My sisters, my close friends, my family~ 

Chessboard

Someone came into my life and asked me question that I never thought of before, "if you were too choose a piece of chess unit, which of them represent you mist accurately?" Hmm... Interesting, I bet everyone will start to analyze what role each pieces plays in chess. To me, every pieces in chess play a certain role, and have its own unique way of protecting something of preventing something that qualify it to be a member of chess. 

I chose Bishop. 

Not surprise eh? People who knew me might think that I chose Bishop is because its my religion, well, I am not sure about this bit because when I am making decision I seriously totally didn't take this into consideration. Maybe unconsciously I am but God knows~ Why I chose Bishop then? Frankly, I think Bishop is the most worthless piece on chess. Even the "pawn" plays some role in deceiving and protecting others. Bishop? It have its limits.

Bishop can never move in a straight line! That is it limitation, unlike other pieces, even the "horse" could move straight, well, not really straight la but it is still either left/right or front/back! Being a Bishop, you can either be in Black boxes or White boxes; I mean, if you are a bishop that placed in a white boxes, you never will be able to go to the black boxes no matter how many steps you move, no? No matter how you like to experience something that seems fun, you never will experience it no matter how many time you try to experience it. Bishop to me, normally are the ones who will be sacrificed or looked down by the Players and yea, it made it quite a useless piece. So, why is it similar to me? Those are the reasons... 

Then this Person told me, "I see..." Did you know that Bishops are always the one who stand beside the "King" and "Queen", protecting them? Yes, they might be sacrificed by the player but often it is because to protect those two, the most "powerful" pieces in the chess board! "Hmm... " my response. Person added, and do you know that Bishop can always defeat the opponent's "King" and "Queen" because of it's ability to move side way??? 

"HMMM..............." 

Now I see... Every pieces in the chess board DO plays a role and every pieces in the chess can't lose to not having the other pieces because if one of the pieces went missing, the rest of of the pieces will surely lose their roles in the chessboard. We have to fully utilize each and every piece on the chessboard to win the game. No one is to serve someone, because everyone is there for everyone! They have their limitations, yes, true enough, but ones limitations can be covered by others strength and together as comrades, friends, a wining game will we get! 

So, what pieces you are if you were on a chessboard?

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I take this Person who came INTO my life and open it up! Without this Person, I guess I am still a quite close human being! 

I hate this part of me, I hate being so emo at all times, I hate this feeling, I hate this thought of mine, I wonder what I like about myself... Leave alone love =="""

Looking out of the window

When there is no one for you, you tend to shut your own window and only observe from inside and smile. When you can't find people who willing to accept you as a person, you close yourself in the car and look out of the window and travel alone. When you can't find people who similar with you, you will look out of the window and hugging something which have no life while look out of the window, smiling....

In the end, you are yourself when you are with yourself and with someone else, not in a group.

But sometimes, you need time to go out and play with them. You can't stay in here forever you know... You have to visit your neighbour and family too...

Ranting

Its already 3 weeks already; I did not expect second year to be this tough!!! Tougher in workload, tougher in handling stress and the part that I concerned of is, the emotion! Gosh... Back to work...