PMS-ing....

I dislike the feeling of disliking someone... 

I dislike the feeling when I try to walk away because I am afraid of get hurt...

I dislike the feeling I am feeling now...

I dislike the feeling of smiling when its not right at all inside...

I dislike the feeling when I am not able to think properly...

I dislike the feeling when I hurt someone verbally... 

I dislike the feeling of crying alone in dark room alone with no one to rely on...

I dislike... 

I refuse...

I hate... 

*SCREAMS!!!!!!*

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I really want to leave this place for a moment... I've lost two of them... I do not want to lose another one... 

Logic

When Logic crush with Feeling...

When Thought crush with Emotions

Releasing

Releasing psychological pressure through physical ways... Crying, massaging, exercising...

Releasing psychological pressure through suppression...

Scary...

Scary... I never thought or ever dreamt that all these "interesting" stuff would actually happen in my own life! All those things that happen in drama is actually happen in reality?? At least I am expose to some. Some are not related to me and some are kinda related. Interesting...

A friendly face agent go in between close related countries and create all sort of issue so that the countries will have war with each others! COOL strategic!! ^^ I wonder how many more similar case in the world that we will be facing and be exposed to in the future... 

Friendship

I remember in one of my youth fellowship, we discussed about this topic, friends. There are a lot of misconceptions bout how friends should be. Yes yes, I totally understand that each person have their own way of defining friends. 

Some people build friendship on the base of materialistic stuff like shopping, handphones, camera, magazine; some people build friendship on interest like games, songs, movies, idols, and etc; some people build friendship on benefits like what can he/she do for me, what will I get from him/her, how can he/she make me famous. 

We need to have some similar interest with our friends, that is of course a "sure" thing, however, if we only build friendship solely on these things that changed easily, I am sure the friendship will somehow get shaky... 

Friendship, at least how I define my friendship is not suppose to focus on ourselves. Friends can drain our energy if we only gives, on the other side of coins, if we constantly take from others and do not gives out the energy, the other friends will get drained too... It is suppose to be both side. 

Someone told me this before "its about thinking right, not feeling right". Did you experience this before, when you spell an English word, it feels, not right when it is the correct spelling! Feeling can changed easily but facts can't. Especially it is an intangible term such as friends. 

Friendship, in fact, in any relationship, it is impossible to not to have the down period. Thoughts that make us doubt friends is really normal. I guess everyone experienced it at least once in their life! Be together, share and have interest in each others life can maintain and help a relationship too... 

Friendship require faith. Believe something that can't be see, can't be proven right or wrong. Of course, some friends do betray us... But that is all together different case

Lets us build our friendship on a strong base so that we can be interdependent on each others. No one should be alone, and no one should really rely on others. We should pat, hugs, push, encourage each others.  

 At least this is my way of friendship

Inspiring!

I don't know about others in my class this semester, but to me, it did inspired me a lot if were to compare to the previous semester in my Degree year! Dr Goh, Dr, Anasuya and Miss Winnie, the idea they shared, the theory and concept the teach and the example they give, they really awaken me! Motivated me! So sudden, everything in my life seems so "manual" again. It used to be in autopilot mode but now, because I wanted to change, it went into manual mode and it draining a lot of energy away~~ Bad for now, Good for the future! 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Low self esteem is really 害人害己, it hurts others and hurt ourselves too! I think I should really manage it harder now! 

Lonely aunty...

Entering the house, the stereo is switched on so loud, that every corner of the house could hear it. Television is switched on even though no one is watching it... Every light in every room is switched on even no one is in it... 

Aunty sitting there.... alone.... lonely..... 

Always go to his house to hang out, aunty never did such things before, at least I didn't experience any of it... 

Letters~

Letters and Cards that bring back a lot of memories... Good and Bad

Letters, Cards, I wonder if there are still people out there who use letter to communicate. We have the Internet now, it is SO convenient! Today, suddenly, I found a stack of my old letters and cards I received ages ago! To be honest, I forgot the feeling when I first received them until I actually opened and read it again... 

The feeling is unexplainable! Its totally a different feeling when you got a sms/msn/email wishes from your friends, from someone you care! You might feel happy and excited, but its not as happy and excited when you actually have physical hardcopy letters and cards! (well, at least for me!) 

Good old days~~ 

Letter that I thought I LOST it!! 

Letter that encouraged me during the finding-the-me-battle

To my friends out there, I am sorry I haven't been contacting you guys for quite sometimes due to busy-ness and the physical distance we have, here I said, sorry and hope someday, someday, we can really chat and catch up those lost time again! 

Love you guys! 

XW, CC, MT, SH Jie, PS, YL, SM~~ 

Number THREE

Everything is changing now, our government, other countries' government, human's culture, our world, and of course, I felt that it is time, again, for me to "evolve" into a new stage since I am in the second year of degree now! 

Everything won't be the same anymore. Expectation from lecturer, the toughness in second year, friends, and of course, our maturity and our thought. I am sure this year would be a tough and busy year for me and the rest however, there are things that might be a blockage to my development! I am lazy and I really need to change a lot of my Self now! Not for others sake, for my own sake! Got a bit blur now due to too many things to be done in short period of time. 

Andrew is not in Malaysia for at least 1 year, the church responsibility is getting heavier and heavier. To handle all these pressure and stress, responsibility and maturity is require... Hope I can really cope with it. 

Things to improve/change:

• Use less money! SAVE
• Be more organize! (Very messy now...)
• Watch my physical behavior... 
• Emotional control (It got better since the last time I think bout it~)
• Talk more!! (In a positive way though~ haha)
• etc etc...

Another gone~~

Well, sending another person off! This time, is a direct bond friend that is going overseas to study. Yea, I know he will be back after 1 or 2 years but still, although not too close with him, I am not too far from him too, our relation that is. 

Mr Andrew is going to Ireland! The feeling of a sudden change, something that is always been there, cheering the environment, someone who will always make a lot laughter among us, part of the core group, is leaving us. Seriously, Andrew, without you, I am not sure if the church will be the same again~ Andrew always the one who bring noise into our group. Though he look slumber and blur, he always know what is his point is (although it took a very long time for him to convey the message haha), its glad to work along side with him in ministry, really~ Hope you will return asap! 

Before he leave

Talking to someone before leaving, look at his face, so happy~ LOL

Three of the Core Group members(4 in total)

That is why, he bring laughter to us! 

Waiting here! hehe, remember to contact us oh~~ Wonder who will teach me guitar now... hehe

We will definitely miss you while you are gone~ Take good care of yourself there

Another funeral?

Is life so fragile? So unpredictable? Yes... Human life is so fragile! Its like the light of candle, a single blow will make it goes off... 

Attended another funeral today, he just wanted to walk across the road to buy something, and just because of this, a car knocked him and he died on the spot... No one will predict this will happen... Not his parents...

Parents attend their son's funeral, how, painful. Seriously, the scene just now is so painful! I wonder... 

messy

Rain rain go away, come again another day~~ 

These two days my mood is kind of cloudly, I wonder why... I bet more or less I shown this cloud to those around me la, so sorry, I did tried to control! 

Don't know is it my mom's problem, I so want to get into relationship~ hahahaha! 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Feelings are hard to control, and we shouldn't restrain it too much. Feelings are meant to be felt! However when its getting out of control, I think it is best to steer back on track! 

ladi ladi laaa~~