capture

you have successfully captured my heart again... ><

note to PsychoSquad

ahh... I missed those days.....

Hey, attention to all PsychoSquad!!

Did you guys noticed something...?

It's been awhile since we really had fun and laugh like crazy~~~ XD

Let's plan something and get crazzzzy during this holiday yeaaaaa~~~ (maybe overnight at one of our house and eat crab+beer? XD)

Want??? =P

children

no doubt... working with children is what i enjoy doing the most~ ^^

-------------------
some thought after watching family outing

BREAK

Break! My BRV has BROKE and now in the state of recovering from the break...

Made me at the most vulnerable to attacked target...

Prays that it recovers without much damage to me.....

change, in the name of love?

Love, in a lot of movies, we sees that because of love, one would change his/her strength to something he/she thought the one he/she like would like....

We often thought that we are not good enough and would change for the sake of other whom we love. but often, is it the case? If someone really love/like you, isn't it because your original self that attract the one who love u??

In a land far away, there is this man, who have a very lovely voice. Everyone will fall in love in his singing but, he is born ugly. He never show other his face because he afraid it will scared other off!

One day, his voice reached an angel from above and when the angel goes and finds him, he hid himself, afraid that the angel will be scared of him.

He calls for help, he ask for help from the Demon King and he sold his voice and his time to serve under the Demon King for a good looking face...

But in the end... what the angel really fell in love is his voice.. not his face.....

At last, the Demon King gave back the man voice and they finally get together... despise of his look...

This is just a short summary of what happen in a drama which triggers this though of mine~ XD

In short, be grateful for who u are, do not change yourself just to "please" the other because who you are, is who he/she love....

my lecturer

just a random post to avoid doing my urgent-going-to-be-due assignment

I wonder if my adolescence and adult development lecturer is reading this or not...

*wave wave* HII sir!! =P (if you ever read this)

this thing call.... love

we have limited life span

when will we leave this planet call earth

is all

unpredictable

my question

is

will you tell your feeling towards someone you like/love/admire?

even though you are unsure about her feeling towards you?

even though you afraid it will make things worse after you let her know?

will letting her know, solve and calm down the feeling in you?

will letting her know, increase how she think and feel about herself? esteem?

what will you do?

what will your decision is?

what is your answer?

its been awhile.....

Been awhile what? XD

Hmm, comes to think of it, the urge of getting and looking for a gf has stopped for quite sometimes.... Months I believe...

Ever since that.....

Ah HA~

Had my aha moment today...

Gorgan will get emo when he is hungry! XD XD

grrr... i am hungry... grrr... me wan eat!

failure

It is seriously tiring and disgusting to see yourself fail and fail and saying and feeling the same thing over and over again..

Of course, we all see how can something be fixed on the outside, but how many actually understand the inner structure?

Of course, we all always think of something to support/fix the problem outside, but how many actually tried to look beyond that and support what in the inside?

Human... Me... Full of weakness....

Nope, I recognize my strength as well, thank you...

So, change it to a moving forward strength yea~ ^^

Energy

Human, something just strike my head when I am trying to.. relax?? XD

Without self control, without self awareness, without self discipline...

Without considering of others well being, Without caring, without the energy to do all these I have mention...

We will be easily offended, we will lose our temper easily and will be hurting a lot of people before we can know it...

I wanted to control, I put energy to maintain the relationship, to be true when mistakes/issue arises

It is because I care. I appreciate, I love

Being an introverts, taking energy out of myself is pretty hard, but don't get me wrong, though it is tiring, I enjoy it, I wanted to do it,

treat me however you want, i will not change the fact that i want to appreciate it~ ^^

(reminder for myself)

Cloud Strife ii

"I will not fight a meaningless battle"
"I need to convince myself, I need confirmation..."

I have my thought, I have my feeling, I have my mind.

But I just can't express them in the way that I want it to be.

Hmm... Maybe its the result of closing myself for many years?

Maybe its the biology makeup?

No wonder I like Cloud so much, again, I found similarity~ Hehe.

Wonder when will I find my Tifa? Or rather, when will I find the "right" Tifa! =P

Oh well, random thought~

Cloud Strife

Cloud Strife
(the one who unsure about himself, the one who have doubted himself)

Finally realized why do I like Cloud so much~

We have quite some similarity in term of personality~

^^

L.E.A.R.N.I.N.G

Is feeling bad always good? Is putting control on someone always bad?

d.e.p.e.n.d.s.

Reasonable bad and control is good for us. Although we do not like the way it is done to us, it somehow shape us more.

Again, what is consider reasonable?

What is consider "overly done"?

Everyone have a different benchmark for them, however, I do think honestly is really what pull people together, regardless of how the situation might be at the moment.

As for myself, I prefer to get hurt and learn AND deal with it, rather than being super confident and feels happy but know nth about it.

Well, I do acknowledge there are special case~ so, again my thought! ^^

--------------------------------------------------

I am seriously starting to hate public transport, AKA KTM... the delay, the super PACKED people, the super stuffy space... Gosh....

A New Post

Finally, a new post!

Gosh, how many years did I abandoned this blog?!? Oh well, let me just update a bit of my life.

Well, as most of you might know, I am currently in Year 3. Seriously, I do not know is it just me, Year 3 is like another level of education, the workload and stress has increased! At least my conscious responsibility has improved as well. =P

Chosen my Thesis topic and really hope that I could get it!

Photography - been stopping it for a few weeks now, but... I have finally decided and found what really motivates me in photography! What I wanted to shoot and stuff, so, my dear photoblog reader, I will be posting again real soon! ^^ (partially thanks to aaron~ ^^)

AND!

I have a terrible financial management... ==""" Yea, I know, Therefore, I am writing here so that you, readers can be my "witness". I want to have a better financial management...
(Gosh, no turning back....)

Yesterday I bumped into Peter Khor and guess what? He told me he found my blog! XD XD Via google!!! How scary is that.... Ohya, Sir, if you are reading this, HI! =P

Well, thats all for now ba.. chiow!

G

Realization

Realization.

Sorry it took me like forever to realize that I've been spoiling a lot of fun event just because I did not manage my own emotion properly...

Look at me...

How...

Disgusting to look like this when it's suppose to be a fun outing and sorry, but I know, and realized that it actually disturbed everyone, if not some of you who are close to me.

Thanks for worrying/feeling because of me and sorry if I made you guys felt so.

Now that I finally realized, I will make sure it'll be under control when it's needed yea~ ^^

*huggies*

Sorry... neh?

and thanks for willing to accept me even I am sometimes/most of the times a burden~ ^^

care,love,appreciate

Which is more painful?

Can't see those who you cared forever?

or

Those who you cared doesn't care for you anymore...?

I guess it pretty painful for either one huh...?

Random thought sparkled by some anime~ =P But, this is life eh...? I prayed that I will appreciate now as those whom I cared are still here with me and care for me... ^^

JsYS,PL,YW,YY
Love you guys! *hugs*

Malacca

Muahaha!

Been to Malacca last few days to take a break from KL life! Seriously, everything there is in slow pace~~ Not exactly slow, kinda slow but it is in comfortable pace and with comfortable peeps! so yeap! I enjoyed!

Enjoyed eating there, enjoyed bonding there, enjoyed taking photos and enjoys HOSPITAL INN there~ XD XD If you dun get it, nvm.. ignore that! XD XD XD XD

But after that, I don't know if its because i am too tired, I found out that ALL my photos are wasted!!!

Geez...

Oh well... at least I really enjoyed myself there~ *HUGS* thanks guys~

Well, I will post a proper post someday in this week as I am really tired.. super tired now... mentally, psychologically, spiritually, physically! XD NIGHT!

Urge! Read it at your will..

Urge... I suddenly have this strong urge to blog about this. Look, what will be posted below is merely my belief and although I am strongly believing in it, it is merely my belief and I need to have some output if not this urge will burst within me!?

XD

So, what is this urge? Christianity...

Yes, this is about Christianity. If you do not want to read it, please DON'T! I respect every rights of you, as a Psychology Student. But if you are interested in what we Christian believe, by all means, go ahead and read.

So many people out there are challenging christians on why are we believing in some sort of nonsense that bring sooo many controversial. Why are Christian, who suppose to be the goodie goodie doing so many badie badie?

People asked me why did I "convert", that time, I did not know what to answer and they will just turn around, walk away and laugh. However, I have my answer now...

I have MY answer now!

What is it? Simply, belief, faith!

Yea, seriously, when it comes to Christianity, there are no logic behind it. Yes, we can always explain why prayer can make us feel better, why some act in Christianity sounds logic and stuff because most of them are ritual by HUMAN! Of course it's logical when its human! But then again, to me, what really in Christianity is

1. Knowing there are One and only God in this universe. Although there are many religious out there, knowing and believe there are only one God who created all things on earth is important in Christianity. (Look I am not offending any other people out there who have their belief, and as mentioned, its an urge to blog and kinda explain to others what my belief in Christianity is, so, no offence..)
2. Knowing we are all sinned and no way we can wash ourselves clean. (yea yea, everyone knows this ==" but heck, a lot of people ignore this! including Christians... sometimes)
3. Knowing and believe that Jesus is God's only Child and only He can save us and how? He died on the cross for our sake! This is where FAITH came in... Only those who really believe are be able to be saved. Yea... No logic behind this, and it's impossible for us to look for answer in this world!
4. Next is confessing our sin and ask forgiveness from God through Jesus Christ who died for us! the grow as a Christian. About Trinity, I wouldn't say much bout it since this is an over view of what I as a Christian believe
   
5. Know, believe and follow what the Bible said. This is where all the controversial came in. Christianity is simple. Follow the Bible and not doing anything which oppose it and you are fine! A lot people wasting a lot of time arguing whether this action is right or wrong! Why?? As long as you know it's not opposing the Bible then just do it!
   
6. Finally, as commanded in Bible, throughout every book in the Bible, tell everyone about this Gospel so that many can be saved...
   

Basically these are those which I believe to be the core of a Christian. A Christian is THIS easy...

For those who didn't listen to the full gospel and know nothing about it, please do consult me if you are interested.

For those who knows did listen to part of the gospel but not all and did attend church, please talk to me as well, I will let you know what the Bible say and not what I say...

For those who are interested and know a bit bout Christianity but don't wanna talk to me, please, go read the New Testament! The whole gospel is in New Testament...

Done... Phew, the rock in my heart is kinda gone! XD XD

Well, thanks for reading! XD

Well, again, this is merely a thought, belief and a place for the output of my urge so, anyone get offended, I am sorry... I did not target anyone, things which stated above are merely what a normal Christian believe...

Finals! Over! year 3.. starting soon...

First of all, YAY!!! Finals finally over!!!

And finally I have the motivation to blog! Well, previous days don't feel like doing anything besides maple~ XD

Well, this finals is something I don't think I will forget for a long long time! The day when I sit for my final papers, I was seriously overwhelmed with the excitement of finishing exam and going for Tenji with my college mate! Due to this positive motivation to finish my paper, I missed out TWO 10% short answer question and hand it in to Peter Khor(my lecturer) and prepare to walk out!

"Gorgan!"

When I was walking out, Peter approach me and say, "what is this??" Pointing at the blank question paper... "you want to FAIL a??!" I was like... O.o" WHAT THE HECK! XD XD

Well, yea, so in my final days in year 2, I set a legend that Peter will mention in the future class~~~

LOL! Thanks Peter~ =P and sorry! XD

Tenji was great~ the time spent there I mean! ^^

Sheesh... the bad part is, I will be in year 3 when semester starts....

Thesis, the work load then.... graduation day... Hmm... What will I be when I graduate? What will I do? How will I cope with it? It's seriously a scary world out there... Hopefully when I am finished with degree, I am a ready man to face the world!

The other thing is I will surely missed these bunch of monkey friends~ Lets come out and yam cha some times in the future yea! XD (Thanks to you-know-who who prompt me with this... XD)

Suddenly, S.H.E's songs hit my mind~ "wo bu xiang wo bu xiang wo bu xiang zhang da~"

XD

Put that aside, I need part time!!! If you need any assistant photographer, please leave a comment here~ You can look at my portfolio through my photo blog. If you have an event job that need to fill in, let me know as well~

darn.

I don't like you.

I feel uncomfortable when you around.

I fear you.

Why you have to be near...

Even though we are just hi bye acquaintance, I can't stand looking at you...

I am sorry, but I tried.

If you want to be different and unique, well done, you made me want to stay away from you because you are... unique =="

Why are you started to get near us....

Sigh...

Just a Thought lately

Give...

Take...

It strike me lately with these topic, give and take. My friend told me once, that she rather give and somehow, the more she give, the more she gets. How interesting is it? How can when someone is giving, and he/she will get more!?

Give, giving something out, with sincerity is actually an action which is taking away something from ourselves. The more we give, the more lack we will be because we are giving~ Duh~ But, by giving it sincerely, it could give others happiness, love, care and well, yea, sometimes hurt and wounds. Lets put this hurting part aside, just talk about giving and taking.

A lot of us normally will think that if I myself having problem, how are we going to help? How are we going to give advice etc etc. Well, maybe by itself, it make perfect sense, how to give?

Did we try to give before when we are lacking? Did we try to love others when we are lacking of love ourselves? Psychology student might call this self fulfilling prophecy, which means, because I don't get the love I want, I don't give, and when others feel that I am not lovable and move on, I will say, see, I don't get my love~ and the circle goes on.

What I truly believe is, the more I give sincerely and to help, the more I will get back from God. Yea, from God... Sometimes, human, some of us, will never repay them who do goods to us. We often take them for granted...

However, lately I realized that, ever since I have started to received Christ, I never really lack of anything. Yea, there are times that I seriously needed help but hey, somehow, the gain that I get is more and better than the lost I have lost! Having someone/someGod and knowing whatever happen He will be there is somehow made me who I am now. Weak, I might appeared to be, but strong when trouble comes!

What I want to say here is, see things out of the box. Never see things in front of you, think of the result of our action will do in the future... Never do self pity as its always just pity... Do something with it. Give more, and eventually, maybe not now, maybe not near future, but in the far future, for sure, you will gain more than what you give now!

Just a thought lately... and motivates me to give more~ ^^ and since its a thought... and often I am sooo disorganized, it explain my post being messy~ XD

FF7!!! I want!!!

Urgggg!!!! Gorgan wants PS3 just for the sake of playing FINAL FANTASY 7 REMAKE!!!!

T.T

Final Fantasy 7... remake..... *drooooooooooooooooooool*

Although its not even out yet!

BUT....

FF7!!!! REMAKE!!!!

*DIES*

Yeap, this is the 1st version of FF7, My first ever computer game I've played and still loving it!!! Its gonna be a remake on PS3!! XD XD

Confusion

neurosis... Experiencing neurosis now =="

Blame...?

Talent, artistic, creativity

I have it, I do not have it. It's pretty subjective when it comes to these term. How do one decide or have such confident that his/her work are good? I assumed it's from what majority comment eh?

Yes, I blame it on my dad who constantly tell me I sucks in drawing, colouring and everything related to arts when I was in primary. Maybe he is right, I have no talent, but just if he let me try, more autonomy in my side, I might be as good as those who have talent...

No, I blame myself as well. Blame myself for not being hardworking enough and gave up easily. It was never fully my dad's fault anyway...

Since last year, I have started my artistic searching journey again thanks to one of my classmates who now are one of my closest friends ^^, I thank her for inspiring and motivating me from time to time (Yea, indirectly~). Only recently, I have somehow gain back confident on what I can do with my "artistic" journey, uncertainty about it is definitely there, since I wrote this post~

Be bold, be confident, be hardworking and be "ANAL", I believe it's not too late for me to explore this side of me! Sheesh, how I wish...~ =P

Oh well, all the best to me!

Looking back

Looking back in my life, looking back to those relationship I've lose because of my immaturity of dealing with issues, my intention to help, i can feel the sour-ish...

CXW...

Hope you are doing great now... I missed those times...

The Son

A post posted by one of my churchmate... Inspiring... ^^

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art.
When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.

About a month later, just before Christmas,

there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands.

He said, 'Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art.' The young man held out this package. 'I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this.'

The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture. 'Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift.'
The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.
The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection.
On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. 'We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?'
There was silence.
Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, 'We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one.'
But the auctioneer persisted. 'Will somebody bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?'
Another voice angrily. 'We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Gogh's, the Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids!'

But still the auctioneer continued. 'The son! The son! Who'll take the son?'

Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. 'I'll give $10 for the painting..' Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.

'We have $10, who will bid $20?'

'Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters.'

The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son.

They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections.
The auctioneer pounded the gavel. 'Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!'
A man sitting on the second row shouted, 'Now let's get on with the collection!'
The auctioneer laid down his gavel. 'I'm sorry, the auction is over.'
'What about the paintings?'
'I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings.
The man who took the son gets everything!'
God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on the cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: 'The son, the son, who'll take the son?'
Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.

FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, WHO SO EVER BELIEVETH, SHALL HAVE ETERNAL LIFE...THAT'S LOVE

The Poem
I knelt to pray but not for long,
I had too much to do.
I had to hurry and get to work
For bills would soon be due.
So I knelt and said a hurried prayer,
And jumped up off my knees.
My Christian duty was now done
My soul could rest at ease.....
All day long I had no time
To spread a word of cheer
No time to speak of Christ to friends,
They'd laugh at me I'd fear.
No time, no time, too much to do,
That was my constant cry,
No time to give to souls in need
But at last the time, the time to die
I went before the Lord,
I came, I stood with downcast eyes.
For in his hands God! held a book;
It wa s the book of life.
God looked into his book and said
'Your name I cannot find
I once was going to write it down...
But never found the time'

Annoying

Have you ever encounter someone who is super annoying that keep asking you question or asking favor from you?

Have you ever encounter someone who is bugging you while they can do it themselves/ask others to help?

To you, these people might be annoying and irritating, but do you know that behind these annoying/irritating action, they truly like/love being with you? They really care for you and they really want you to be in their life?

So, when you encounter these people, don't shoo them away with the hard way, at least try not to...

Just a thought... (Inspired by Kyo Kara MaOh season 3 episode 11)

Birthday

Expected to have a post like this???

Haha, normal birthday celebration with a lots of realization! Who say 21st birthday has to be wild and playful, and... fun? LOL

Realization on why am I still a Christian who serve Him actively even though I have lotsa question and opinion on how most of the Christians thinks and act... = I serve God, not those humans~

Realization on why am I still a newbie photography hobbyist = boldness problem and unstable emotion when something happen~

Realization on who I really am and starting to take on my own stand

Realization on appreciation on people around me

Realization on how foolish I am and how childish I am

Realization on how emotional unstable I am

Realization on how lucky I am

Realization on..... XXXXXXXXXX

Eyes

I always have this thing towards eyes.. No, not fetish! I will not get turned on just by the look of eyes~ haha!

Tears, came from eye, and believe it, a lot of beautiful stuff, we will missed them if we don't have eyes... and to be able to see, light is needed.

No rain No rainbow...

Even if its rain, it won't stay long...

I guess that is human eh...

No matter what we do, we can't run away from rain, all we can do is hope for the rainbow to show in front of our eyes~~

No wonder I like photography....

Ouran Host Club

Was bored and really has nothing to do, so I decided to watch Ouran Host Club as I am not in a good mood as well...

It's all making sense now, how I used to wonder why am I so depending on others, why am I relying on others; I used to be alone and really that doesn't matter to me at all... But why now...?

All making sense now, Ouran Host Club...

There is where I get the idea of "they are there for me to rely" "they will be there for me" "I can have a place to lean on, and don't have to be alone again"

Now... It make sense...

Weak

I've been disappointing a lot of people these days... Lack of self control in my emotion, feeling, urge and how I spend my money...

Gosh... G, u really are GOSH!

Being weak, not in control of myself is so.... frustrating, and it get worse when it involve those around you....

Seriously, I need my counselor...

Seriously Gorgan... get well!! GET WELL!!

ranting

When you are alone = you have nothing to worry about, at least you don't have to worry about how your action will affect others feeling and stuff

When you are with another person (you and him/her) = you might have to take care of your action but not too much as often when you are with only one person, you do great... be dreadfully honest with that person, no worries, only trust

When you are with more than one friend and coincidentally you are out with odd number of friend = you often the one who are being left out and worst of all, no people even look at you when they are talking to you? but you can't get emo because hey! it will affect others! You will keep wondering what did you do wrong and start struggle with yourself... How great is that...

So, what is the moral of all these story?

stick with your camera and be alone!

But hey! like this people will think that you don't wanna join them... Sheesh.... I don't know... I really don't know what to do.. I wan my counselor~~~~ laugh for me yea~ XD


Statement above is merely a ranting of mine, a place to put my output. If I offended anyone, please private message me and let me know~ Hey, being honest and get hurt is always the better choice for me rather than not being honest and try to "protect" me...

Clubbing at barcelona

Went clubbing today and well, seriously it was a WOW! I mean, for me its pretty interesting place to be in and in the same time, I would think twice before going.

Seriously, you should be really amazed when you see how music can really control human! Once music is on, every behavior is controlled by it!

Not that I don't enjoy being "control" by the music, just that it just interested me~ Everyone, basically everyone is shaking their body~ Some use this chance to touch others, and I am pretty sure there are other things going around that area...

Seriously, my ears are having ASD! I can't listen the normal way I used to listen~ XD and the most important part is I am SMOKED! Even my car, my bag, my phone are SMOKED!!! Seriously, I hate the smell of it.... and VERY SERIOUSLY, I will think TWICE before going for the second time IF there are!

To be fair, I did enjoy my time there~ XD XD

Human

I re-realized something today. Something bad that remind me of how I used to hate human being...

Human, who always only think of themselves
Human, who always think that only what they believe is truth and others who are odd are wrong
Human, who always want to win and look down at others
Human, who always easily influenced by others and still will step down on those who like them
Human, who always like to be superior
Human, who always wants attention
Human, who...

...

I wonder...

huh...?

Its enough... Its enough... At least I got comforted in my dream... At least someone would still lend me his/her shoulder for me to rest my head... Even if what I think will happen, happens... Its enough.... Maybe...

alone

No one cares, no one understand... some thought are meant to be... alone.....

untitled...

Wanted to be cared, to be loved. Everyone, most of us want this... We certainly care and love others, maybe the reason is because we want to be care and love the same way we did to others too...?

Everyone seems to have someone who they care and love and its returned~

I wonder...

Thought

"Its not enough... I have to do better..."

"Its not good enough... I need to do better..."

"Sigh..."

Do you have this kind of thought before? I guess it is a quite normal reaction to most of us. Well, of course, I, myself have this kind of thought and most of the time it will either burn my passion up or i will be "depressed" to the fullest until a certain point I have no motivation to continue it.

Well, after a session of counseling, this belief is challenged; "What is enough?" "How is enough?" "Can you see this... 'goal'?"

Hmm... Yea, I can't. All these while I am moving towards a goal which even myself do not know what is it. I know there is this 'goal' I need to achieve but no matter how many times I did it my best, I don't get satisfy. Merely because I am chasing something that is vague, blur and, it sounded like a goal with no goal?

Still looking for an answer, however, I do realize that being grateful of what we have achieve is as important as wanted to be better! Maybe, maybe through gratefully accept what we did, we will be able to get closer to this "enough" goal.

---------------------------------------------

Control, Power, the ability to manipulate others; These are very powerful and I assume, a lot of people are hungry of them. People feel superior and better when they have this. However, what I really don't understand is, by putting others down at your feet, is it really that... fun...?

Its human nature to feel superior, just like most of the animal in animal kingdom, the strongest one will win without caring about others welfare, but can we, human, at least control our own desire first without putting others down???

*Sigh...*

------------------------------------------------

Courage.

A word that is used daily but carries a powerful weight!

I remembered one of my closest friends told this to me "G, you really are a dreamer!" LOL, I don't know its a good word to describe someone or is it now. However, I believe this is what made me survive through what I've been through in my life.

Without dream, human will not survive. Literally, everyone dream when they sleep, whether or not they remember the dreams or not, we do dream!

Some people manage to live their dreams and some don't. What differentiate their dream? Is it too unreachable and the dreams are too vague to achieve? Is it unreasonable dream? Did that person really take action to live his/her dream?

Today I read one of the fanfic by my friend, and it triggered my long hibernate brain to function again!

Courage is what I am lacked of since young. In that fanfic, it mentioned that in order to live a dream, one must have both passion and courage. Lack of either one, ones will now live his/her dream as he/she like. At least this is my interpretation of that fic. What I wanted to say is, no matter in what kind of situation, I will try putting in more courage in what I do. Of course, courage should comes with wisdom, knowledge, and whether that certain action will benefit or make others misery...

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I will do my best in being couragous in what I will be doing in the future without caring too much what others opinion/criticism to me and in the same time will not ignored others welware! Being dreadful honest is what I need to improve and I understand life is the other way round. Even so, will not stop trying!

Disclaimer: A post to remind what is my thought at the moment.

SHY

Do you know what? All along I know I am a shy guy and well, do care a lot about what others will think of me and this is kinda a problem to me now... Why? I know it quite sometimes now but today I suddenly ACKNOWLEDGE it! LOL

Its... my shyness and care about what others think kinda stop/prevent me from improving my photo-taking skill... Yea... Believe it or not, it does has a great impact on me...

So, I made up my mind and make myself to do this in the future; Will take photo no matter where I am; Will take photo no matter who I am with; Will take photo no matter when I am!!! MUAHAHAHA (of coz la, I wont take photo at places that don't allow me to take and I will not take photo of people that don't want to be photographed and won't risk my dear son's life taking photo on the street alone~)

And if I am desperate... I will just wear a singlet, a shorts and a slipper to college!!! XD

Hi~

Amends

Hmm... Wanted to post something... But I forgot what I wanted to post!!! LOL

Anyway, let's just crap and hope something will come back...

Something happen few days and ... Ohya I remember!

I know what is the root of the problem that I created, I know the consequences of my action, I know what will I lose in the end, I know where I am heading, but among all these, I really wanted to know what can I do to amend what I did...

Its all out of the intention to help someone who is hurt and it ended up a disaster for another being. It is all because of my failure to hold on to my rational part as the emotional part overwhelmed my logic. It is all because I have been depending on my own decision making...

One's intention to help someone will leads to a betrayal of others unintentionally. How wonderful human is...

I am sorry that things can't be turned back and I do know my words have no strength, I just want to know how to amend things, fix things that I have once done wrong. Chance might be what I need...

Random

LOL! I so need to PS myself a new banner!! XD XD XD

Anger

When feeling overwhelm, when anger take place, when people around me are hurt; they clouded my rational judgment...

Sheesh... better luck next time in controlling it eh, gorgan....

Personality test (again~)

Another personality test~~ Got it by Jas~~ hehe

Your Working Style

You have a great deal of warmth, but may not show it until you know a person well. You keep your warm side inside, like a fur-lined coat. You are very faithful to duties and obligations related to ideas or people you care about. You take a very personal approach to life, judging everything by your inner ideals and personal values.

You stick to your ideals with passionate conviction. Although your inner loyalties and ideals govern your lives, you find these hard to talk about. Your deepest feelings are seldom expressed; your inner tenderness is masked by a quiet reserve.

In everyday matters you are tolerant, open-minded, understanding, flexible, and adaptable. But if your inner loyalties are threatened, you will not give an inch. Except for your work's sake, you have little wish to impress or dominate. The people you prize the most are those who take the time to understand your values and the goals you are working toward.

Your main interest lies in seeing the possibilities beyond what is present, obvious, or known. You are twice as good when working at a job that you believe in, since your feeling adds energy to your efforts. You see the needs of the moment and try to meet them. You want your work to contribute to something that matters to you--human understanding, happiness, or health. You want to have a purpose beyond your paycheck, no matter how big the check. You are perfectionists whenever you care deeply about something.

You are curious about new ideas and tend to have insight and long-range vision. You are interested in books and language and are likely to have a gift of expression; with talent you may be excellent writers. You can be ingenious and persuasive on the subject of your enthusiasms, which are quiet but deep-rooted. You are often attracted to counseling, teaching, literature, art, science, or psychology.

The problem for you is that you may feel such a contrast between your inner ideals and your actual accomplishments that you may burden yourself with a sense of inadequacy. This can happen even when, objectively, you are being as effecive as others. It is important for you to find practical ways to express your ideals; otherwise you will keep dreaming of the impossible and accomplish very little. If you find no actions to express your ideal, you can become overly sensitive and vulnerable, with dwindling confidence in life and in yourself.

And my suitable career~~

• actor
• architect
• artist
• composer
• consultant
• editor
• holistic health practitioner
• interpreter or translator
• journalist
• librarian
• massage therapist
• musician
• occupational therapist
• photographer
• psychotherapist
• religious educator
• researcher
• scientist
• social scientist
• speech pathologist
• teacher
• writer

Am I on the right track? XD XD XD (perasan-ing~ haha)

personality test

Got this personality test from someone in Facebook and hey~ wanna share and look at the last point!! So true right? XD

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

If it is not now, WHEN?

If it is not now, when is it???

These few days made me realized something, something important that could change my life, or maybe it already taken its effect!!!

1 year and 5 months in Psychology course, what have I learn?

Socializing, controlling emotion, critical thinking, understand others and myself, independent... After all these, it's time to decide, to put skills into action and heck, I do now want to be that Gorgan anymore... Changes might be hard, more criticism will be shooting at me, road might be tough but, if not now, when is it to challenge it? While I am still young (lol~) and allow me to say this, handsome~ XD XD XD, and have social support, if it is not now, when will it be???

I've seen other grow, started to fly, and now, it's my turn to try... Fail or not, I don't know and what I know, even if I failed, I still did make improvement after I try! ^^

Wish my all the best bah!!

Whats your worth?

I believe human being will some how know how much they worth in this world but the question I am asking myself is, how much do I worth? Priceless? as in, no price? or a price that no one can ever know?

Searching and looking for that worth... What will my future be? No idea...

what happen?

What la.... Is today love day or what? Why is it all the movie/series I watch are love theme related... ==""

Passion

Started my photography hobby for a month now maybe? Oh wait, started it last year!! With my PnS S210 of course, and ever since I got my D60, I started to shoot a lot more than I used to~

The question I am asking myself is, I wanted to like shoot where ever and when ever I want but, is it appropriate? I mean, I want to improve like any other photography lover would want to but am i making steps there?

What is it in me that needed to change and train and practice in order to development my kinda photography? I dare not call myself a photographer because I am now merely satisfying my passion towards photography...

But when can I really put down my attitude and start not to care too much/oversensitive on what others might think? Gosh...

I really hope I can "master" this one hobby/skills... Among all the good things ppl told me, I want to work this out and I am prepared for a tough road for this one, just, pray that my passion is stronger than the toughness prepared for me in the future...

Gimme social support!! XD Dr. Logan said its good to relieve stress~~~ XD

Good versus Bad

Dark versus White

Good versus Bad

I guess this is the theme for a lot of children stories and, even some adult story did included these. The question is, is it always that bad to be the Bad one? Or is the world really divided itself into Black and White? 

We've been talking about grey area since the latest generation were born, and most of us, maybe Me, are still thinking that White method is always better than the Dark method. Is that true? Is that a naive way of thinking? 

In order to success, often we are thinking from our own point of view, often we want to be success because we want something for ourselves! However, a lot of times, what we want for ourselves, or should I say what we do to get what we want for ourselves is always an act that could bring others down, could destroy others and might hurt those around us. Just because what we believe in is totally different thing. 

Should we risk? Hurting others beside us to take what we want? 

"Success, people praising you it goes away. But when that day comes, and if you don't like who you are... You are done..." (Gossip girl) 

How true is that? 

However, a lot of us will argue, chance is only given to us like once in a life time and if we missed it, we will never know when will the next chance that throw at us!!! It is worth trying!!! 

Controversial... How interesting human being is... 

I always hold on to this principle 

 - What we want to do to ourselves is what we choose, as long as we are able to face the consequences of what our action brings, then by all means, go ahead and try it your way -

However, is life really this simple? Talk about evolutionary theory; Never like this theory before, it made human so.... animal... 

But if you really look what are we today, are we that different from animals who fight and hurts others to get what they want? 

Religion taught me to put away the interest of selves and follow the way of Christ because if we do, we will get what we need to survive and without hurting others. Without a doubt, I've been through this route. It fun to be in this route but... what about the other route which is forbidden? It looks tempting.... 

Try or not to try, it solely base on what we feel comfortable of. When the Final day has come, we will only know which is the Right path to follow... 

My decision is, I would still want to follow what I've been follow but, I doubt I will follow it exactly the same way I did, things will going to change but I hope I will still like myself in the end of my life. 

What's your decision? 

Caring

"Sometimes,
it isn't because others doesn't care about you;
but it's because you care about others too much."  

How true this quote is... 

Care about others can be a blessing and its a nice thing to have as a person, however, over caring will eventually made things worst... 

Ever wonder why after you start notice that your relationship with some is going down hill and the next thing you will notice is that its already at the bottom of it? Because all these thought that tell you that it is influencing is actually real!!! 

I don't know about you. I've been fighting this stupid feeling for quite sometime now... Hanging out time getting lesser and lesser day by day leads my oversensitive mind to wonder even further and bring me to an even worst place that I can't even imagine... 

The effort to fight this thought is getting weaker and weaker as it drained too much energy from it. 

The only thing I am hoping now is that, miracle happens and save my lowly thought and save this relationship that I once cared and is caring now too... 

Don't let me turn to YouKnowWho... 

I wonder

Childish feeling but rational thought? Does it exists? 

*smile*

太强了。。。

Its back... Its coming back... finally... 

When one is stronger than another, the one who is weak will be cast aside, alone... 

Two option:

1. The weak one will continue being weak and do nothing... 

2. Fight back... Put away other's feeling and fight for the one's own right! 

Tommy will never give up without a fight, my idol when I am young~~ lol~~  Go Go Power Ranger~~ XD

YouKnowWHo

To FT island fan sis

youknowwho

I know something happen to you, I know what exactly you are facing but, I did not take any action. I never thought it will be this bad... 

I cried when I read your blog...

I thought you will at least let me know but... I didn't know its so serious that you didn't tell... 

I blame myself for not asking how are you....

I'm sorry... No words can be said, no sentences can be made to express my current feeling... I am sorry... 

I never thought of leaving you.... and never did....

*hugs* 

Good to know you are standing again. Glad to know you are some what standing again. But, its gonna be different, you said it yourself and I do believe so... Be the one you are comfortable with. 

I still love you and still care a lot for you... Sorry and thanks.... 

ITS A BOY!!!!!!!!!!

This is Cammie~ She been a good kid and a good camera and helped me in quite a lot of events~~ 

HOWEVER

Little Cammie has her own limits and her daddy need something else to overcome her limits. Hence...

TADAAA~~~ Nikon D60 is here!!!! 

I am sooo fortunate D60 is with me now~~ Its a boy by the way~~ Hope he will take me the extra miles that Cammie can't and worry not~ I will not abandon Cammie for this son~~ 

(Haven't thought of a name yet~~ in progress~~)

Want a sample of photo taken by D60? The photo of cammie is one of them~ For the others, please go to my photo blog bah~~ 

Happy~~ 

Now I need more time to master D60 and my journey of a photographer started~~ 

废话连篇

心在想，如果刚才有DSLR相机多么好啊。。。可以看到什么，用当时的感觉去拍。那，我现在的相机不能吗？拍不出。。。咳。。。

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我啊，真的不能和一位很好很好的人跟一位我不认识的人出街啦。。。。真的不知道应该怎样。。。

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可以不要跟我很熟吗？这是我们第一见面啊！对不起啦。。。要我跟你讲话很累，我真的会比较喜欢一个人，请不要再说“噢，一个人很可怜哦~”天啊。。。。在取笑我吗？很好玩吗?想干嘛？

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可以去无人岛吗？在说废话。。。

enough is enough!

I think its enough... Don't tell me what is right or wrong, this or that, trust or don't trust... I am perfectly confused now and for the first time in my life I hope that I have mental disability!!! For crying out loud... Is it have to be like this EVERY TIME when EVERYONE trying to be nice to each others??? GOSH!!! 

Good, my expected nightmare(opps i mean challenges) is starting and heck, it is a lot tougher!! 

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Never mind never mind~~ D60 is going to be in your hand after cny~~~ *smiiiiiiiiiiile~*

预测

我预测到，

我们的交谈时间一定会减少

我们会比以前更疏远

我们交谈的东西也会减少。。。

不想，但有可能吗？一方面很想认为我这样想是对的，但是事实告诉我，我是错的。。。 

只能让时间来让我接受这事实吧。。。不管如何，你都是我的XX妹妹

duh~

In between, when bonds of others are so strong, it seems you have no place to fit in even if you try to do so... When parts are diverse, those who want to be in both will eventually disappeared and not being notice~ 

Miserable miserable~ How humanity is~ =.="

to WinnER Nice

As much as I want to help you, I can't... my dearest friend, stay strong and stay focus yea? I do not know when this storm will end, but what I am sure is I will be available if you need me in that boat with you! It is tough for you, if anything you want me to do, please say so, I will do within my capability!! Take care and I love you as much as love all my sis....